[Jason Sharpe]

"And every day you're in this place,
You're two days nearer death"

[for Seth Perry]

Jason had gotten plenty used to sleeping wherever he could find a quiet, mostly safe space. If he couldn’t, then he usually didn’t get much sleep, either because he couldn’t fall asleep, or couldn’t stay asleep. He always felt on edge. Like he had to be constantly looking over his shoulder for some threat or promise of pain. He’d thought sleep had been back in that cell, thought that he would feel better and more relaxed now that he was free.

But he didn’t. Even with meeting back up with Seth again, while he could feel that warm, comfortable blanket over his shoulders, it wasn’t pulled tight enough to help him let his guard down. Jason was aware enough to know this wasn’t just a normal anxiety but likely some sort of PSTD. But he also didn’t like self-diagnosing.

He was jumpy around camp. At the sound of Seth’s raccoon friend approaching the tent. At the sound of hikers talking far off but close enough to hear. At even Seth’s touch on his arm if he didn’t see her coming. Jason always felt bad about that one the most. He didn’t lash out, but he could feel that urge to defend himself rise to the surface, feel the air on the back of his neck stand up, feel that coiled reaction wanting to spring free inside of him.

But he kept his control and would apologize with softer returned touches, frustrated with himself and wanting to make it up to her.

He still wasn’t talking, but he did write some on a small note pad. But really, he liked to just listen and relax and let Seth take the lead since she was the one who was used to living around here. Jason was glad to let her be the responsible one.

Like today, they were planning to go into town for a few supplies and to get away from the tent. Jason had considered looking for a job. He wasn’t sure he was quite ready for that but…he wanted to ask around, see about his options. Something simple and local, like a small shop or construction would do nicely.

But that morning, he woke up in a cold sweat from a dream about the prison he and the other captives had called Alcatraz. It was a small, cramped space somewhere north in the center of a lake. Cold and isolated and damp. As he scrambled to the back corner of the tent. He could feel the cold in his bones and the ache in his chest and lungs as if he had been drowning and desperate for air he couldn’t make but could control. He blinked, shivering, trying to figure out what the other lump beside him was at first. He was kept in solitary most of the time, there wasn’t supposed to be anyone else in his cell.

Another attempt to scoot back and he was met by fabric, looking up to the sides of the tent in confusion before everything clicked. He pulled on his Gift more for comfort than anything he needed, pulling the warmer air close down as he took a deep breath and tried to relax. It was just him and Seth. He was okay.

[Seth Perry]

[googlefont=Whisper]

[attr=class,SETH]

Now the memory's on the wall

As long as she’d hoped and prayed that she and Jason would be reunited, Seth was not prepared for how hard it was going to be. She hadn't thought about all the time that passed. How different he would be. How different she was.

It wasn’t like they could just hit the play button and pick up from where they’d left off. Too many things had happened to them both over the past two years.

Seth desperately wanted Jason to be able to talk to her, to tell her what was wrong. She was trying her best to be patient, to be understanding. Especially in the moments when he would flich away from her, or when he had a far off look that she couldn’t read. She never knew if she should leave him alone or if she should try to comfort him in those moments.

Their life together had become a balancing act. Tiptoeing around the things that were either too unpleasant to put down on paper, or Jason simply didn’t want to tell her. She wasn’t sure if he was still trying to protect her in some way or if it was just too much for him.

So she didn’t push. She didn’t ask him to tell her what had happened again, not after the first couple days he was back.

But she noticed changes in him. He hardly slept, and when he did it wasn’t usually for long. He’d wake up with a start sometimes, not unlike how she’d wake from her own nightmares. The ones that only seemed to get worse now that he was back instead of better. She blamed all the uncertainty.

When he’d told her that he wanted to go to town, maybe find some kind of job, Seth was surprised. She wouldn’t have thought he was ready for that, but it couldn’t be any worse for his mental state than staying isolated out at camp all the time. Besides, she’d been wanting to bring up the possibility of them actually settling in Los Eurosia. If he found a job there, made connections, maybe it would make him want to stay. Want to create roots somewhere, instead of being ready to flee again at a moment’s notice.

They made a plan to go to town in the morning, and Seth made her own plan. She’d bring up settling after they’d gone to town, maybe after he started applying for a job... It wouldn’t make sense for her to bring it up before then.

Movement in their small tent woke Seth. Before she could piece together what was happening, she could feel a change in the air. It was warmer, heavier, a bit harder to breathe in. “Jason?” She called out his name gently, pulling herself up to a sitting position. She could make out his outline in the tent, even though the sun wasn’t quite up yet and it was still dark inside. “You’re okay. It’s just me and you.”

She had no clue if she was helping at all, but she didn’t know how else to handle these moments. She only hoped the sound of her voice could help ground him, or at least reassure him on some level.

Jason Sharpe | let me know for changes or if you need more

[newclass=.SETH b]color:#86608E;[/newclass]

[Jason Sharpe]

His eyes whipped over to the figure beside him as she spoke, his breath catching until his brain register the owner of the voice. Seth. His Seth. Despite everything, nothing could take her from him. He wouldn't allow it. Honestly, he'd even been glad it was him that the Hunters found instead of her.

It was easier to claim he was still protecting her, in his head, by not sharing what had happened. Deep down, he knew he was just protecting himself. Or at least trying to. He didn't want to think about what had happened. As if by not acknowledging it, he could make everything fine, sweep it under the rug, pick up where they left off.

But he wasn't blind to how...uncomfortable he made Seth. Between not speaking and not sharing. It made his heart ache, seeing her so uncertain. He didn't know what else to do.
  
Jason took in a heavy breath and let it out shakily, nodding despite knowing she probably couldn't see very much with how dim it was in the tent before dawn. He reached out his hand to her in the dark, fingers brushing against her knee or maybe arm, not sure how else to express his need for comfort. As reassuring as her voice was, his frantic panting still filled the small space as he tried to get his breathing and his nerves under control. If he could just touch her, let her know how much he needed her and how much he appreciated that even through her uncertainty, she was trying.

He'd never thought not speaking would make it so hard to relate to the woman he cared so deeply for.

[Seth Perry]

[googlefont=Whisper]

[attr=class,SETH]

Now the memory's on the wall

Seth spent a lot of time feeling useless when it came to helping Jason these days. She wasn’t sure what made him feel better or what would make him feel worse, all she could do was try her best. And sometimes, many times, she got it wrong. She was frustrated, but she kept reminding herself that it wasn’t his fault.

It wasn’t like Jason asked to get attacked, to get taken and tortured. It wasn’t like he could help his reactions now, or the fact that he couldn’t talk to her. He couldn’t say her name, couldn’t assure her that they would get through this.

She missed the old life they had. Even if they were on the run, at least they’d had each other. Really had each other. Now, it just felt… distant, disconnected.

She hated that she thought that, hated that she didn’t feel as comfortable around Jason as she wanted to, as she should.

This morning wasn’t much different. Something was wrong. She wasn’t sure if it had been a nightmare, or if he’d heard something in the forest that made him nervous. Maybe he was just having an anxiety or panic attack. She wasn’t sure of anything. All she really knew was that no matter what, this was Jason. Her Jason. The same Jason that taught her how to be strong. And now, she needed to be stronger than ever. For him.

His hand brushed the skin of her knee in the dark, and she took it as a sign that she was doing the right thing. Seth reached out, gently resting her fingers on his shoulders, moved to sit cross-legged in front of him. “I’m here, okay? It’s just you and me, we’re safe.” She let out a slow breath, hoping she was helping, hoping she wasn’t going to freak him out worse.

“Jason, I’m here…” She repeated herself, desperate for any sign that he wanted her with him, that she was helping him feel better, even in the smallest of ways.

Jason Sharpe | let me know for changes or if you need more

[newclass=.SETH b]color:#86608E;[/newclass]

[Jason Sharpe]

Tonight it was a nightmare. But often times he couldn't explain it. He'd gotten used to falling asleep in the tent only to wake a few hours later, perched in the corner, staring into the inky blacks and purples, sometimes feeling nothing at all, other times worried they weren't alone. But

Seth's fingers brushed his shoulder, a spark of warmth pulsing through him. Jason reached up to her hand, running his fingers along her arm, up to her elbow, then bicep, gently but firmly tugging on her like a lifeline.

He'd scoop her up, pulling her into his lap so he could feel her body against his and bury his face in the soft red hair at her neck. He closed his eyes in the dark tent, leaving the sleeping bag below him and Seth's warm body in his lap his only connections to the world. He ached to tell her how much she meant to him. How much he missed her. How much he loved her. All the things that sounded empty written on paper. But the words still didn't come. He swallowed and let out a long breath of warm air into her neck and shoulder, holding her tight.

She weighted him down like a strong anchor in a rough sea, physically and emotionally keeping him tethered to the here and now just as thoughts of her had while he was captive. Her warmth was something he refused to give up. He couldn't. Jason wasn't entirely sure what he would do without her.

Jason let out another breath into her warmth, his pounding heart soothed by hers. He loosened one of his arms around her so he could reach up and brush his fingers against her cheek in what had quickly become his expression of affectionate appreciation with her. He'd picked up a few signs too, but mostly general ones and it was far too dark for those. He could hold her forever and let her keep the darkness within and without at bay.