[Ferris Felwinter]

[for Darcy Vance , roughly 10 years ago]

Ferris Felwinter awoke that morning in the hospital’s intensive care unit, having no idea that he had tried to kill himself three days prior. He had even less idea how close he had come to succeeding. After a little over seventy-two hours in a coma, he didn’t remember the last week. Didn’t remember blowing off work, didn’t remember bar hopping and ending up at the gay bar his dead best friend had invited him to, but he had been too afraid to go with. Didn’t remember the more heated than usual fights he had with his fiancée Murphy. Didn’t remember sleeping in his car one night because he was too soused to walk, let alone drive only for Murphy to accuse him of cheating on her. Didn’t remember smoking two packs of cigarettes through a rainstorm on their front porch when she didn’t come home from night shift (he’d never found out why) and most certainly didn’t remember being too afraid to pull his firearm from the safe box and instead going through the bathroom cabinet and taking half the bottle of Murphy’s anti-anxiety medication and then passing out on the floor.

He also didn’t remember that the only reason he was breathing right now wasn’t because his fiancée found him when she came home(she had gone to her parents) but because his sister had decided to stop by the next morning and drop off some of his clothes she had confiscated from their parents. The second reason he was still breathing would be due to a particular medical student finishing out her internship he knew, but he didn’t recall her part either.

Even though, second to the dimly lit white ceiling, Darcy was the first thing he saw upon waking up with a jolt. Ferris twitched and tried to inhale sharply, immediately choking on the plastic tube down his throat and nose. His first instinct was the roll over and vomit and panic, but the engine took over.

Despite the dark lighting that suggested it was after hours, he recognized a hospital room. It wasn’t the first time he had been in one. The sound of the heart monitor wasn’t new. The respirator though was a very different noise, easily overwhelming. The feeling of surgical tape on his hands and chest, how stiff his legs felt, the burning need to breathe despite feeling oxygen enter his body through force, all of it screamed something terrible had happened. He felt faint and hungry and sick to his stomach all at once. But that first shudder aside, he simply reached up to pull the tube out. Easier thought than done, considering his limbs felt like jelly and even the blankets tucked neatly around him were an obstacle to be reckoned with.

Which made his next instinct an easy one. His gaze found the woman across from him, her sharp and beautiful dark features and wild curls highlighted by the light of her phone. He tried to ask for help, but words were difficult for a few reasons.

[Darcy Vance]

Never had she begged to placed on someone’s case so seriously before that moment. It had just been a regular day at work, intern year was coming to a close in a few months and she would need to settle on her residency preference to apply for. Though, she had already made her decisions and submitted all her necessary applications and letters of recommendation. Darcy liked to stay on top of those sort of things, especially when her being useful to the Guild was dependent on her success in her career. So she had to make it, not just for her sake; but for Ellis too. All those thoughts had been interrupted by the sight of him being rushed into trauma triage. Ferris.

It took her a lot of begging, but she finally managed to annoy the attending enough to allow her on his case, if only so her friend Murphy would have someone to give her updates. Though, she was honestly surprised Murphy wasn’t there already, arguing to be allowed to help in some capacity…

That had been three days ago. Aside from the trips to visit with Ellis, Darcy hadn’t left him alone since they’d pumped his stomach and put the breathing tube in. Especially since she realized Murphy hadn’t been staying with him. She couldn’t pretend to understand what was going on between the two, but she was quite angry with her ‘friend’. Who just left their fiancé alone in the hospital while they were in a coma, after an attempted suicide?!

She was trying her best to distract herself with some light studying on her phone, but eventually caved to play Tetris. She was ‘technically’ on break, but she couldn’t bring herself to leave. So, the young woman sat in a chair, one foot up in the seat so she could rest her chin upon her knee, tapping at the phone screen while listening to the monitors and respirator at work. The faint light of her phone illuminating her face, pinched in concentration as the falling blocks sped up and offered her a slight distraction.

But, there was movement that caught her eyes and Darcy’s dark eyes flashed up to see that Ferris’ eyes were open! She stood up quickly, dropping her phone as she stepped toward the bed and pushed the button for the nurse. “Ferris, you’re in the hospital. Try to remain calm, I’m getting a nurse in here so we can remove the breathing tube… I know it’s uncomfortable, but try to remain calm.” She reached for one of his hands to try and help him calm down. “Page for Doctor Claunch, Mr. Felwinter is awake.” Darcy said with a nod and the nurse left the room to call for the doctor.

“I know the tube is awkward, but I can’t remove it before the doctor gives the approval. So, just try to relax and think about something else.” She had half a mind to say ‘fuck it’ and perform the extubation herself, but didn’t need to suffer any disciplinary actions so close to her start as a resident. Not when they could easily decide not to keep her here.

[Ferris Felwinter]

His sister had only stopped by for a brief visit, not able to leave her kid for that long being that she lived across the northern border. She'd stayed one day, moved her flights, had to go home and arrange for a friend to watch Rory, and was presently waiting out a layover to travel back. She'd called and texted Murphy, but the woman seemed to be avoiding her.

Murphy had stopped by briefly the first day, panicked at first, but the more she was informed she couldn't see him, that he was alive but barely, the more frustrated and uncertain she became. Up until this moment, she had thought she would get through to him. But now… Now, she was glad she worked in a different hospital, on a long shift, so that she could figure out what it was she wanted.

Ferris understood most of the words, understood it was supposed to be soothing. Was very positive it was bullshit. He knew Darcy though. Her and Murphy had worked together a few times and were friends. He didn't really keep tabs on all his fiancée's friends, he wasn't that nosy of a boyfriend, but Darcy had seemed cool in passing. It was at least reassuring to know someone, especially since he didn't know where or why or what had happened. Which was pretty good for a guy most people didn't think would wake up.

The look he gave her suggested that ‘calm’ was in fact on his fussy list of words he knew but also thought were inappropriate for the moment. But that said, he could approximate calm with some slower breaths.

She took his hand, her touch reassuring for the version of Ferris that was panicking. But that part of him wasn't in control at the moment. The engine that was in control was calm. It was also very capable of removing the offending object on his own. Or at least not afraid to try. He didn't notice the nurse come and go, focused on fumbling through his shaky depth perception and poor motor skills to grab the tube just outside his mouth and pull. Even his weak experimental tug made him realize just exactly how much plastic was in his body. His eyes watered, but the mere fact that he didn't immediately trigger a gag reflex was a testimony to the amount of drugs he was presently on. The hell was going on?

Why was he here and where was Murphy and what was he supposed to think about that wasn't this? He couldn't remember the last thing he was doing. Putting gas in his truck, maybe? Or calling out of work?

He moaned in pain and annoyance and provided Darcy didn't stop him, would steel himself and try again.

[Darcy Vance]

The confusion was clear on his face, and his struggle to make sense of the situation was clear dispute his inability to speak around the tube in his throat. Darcy knew her words wouldn’t be of much comfort, but she didn’t know what else to do. The two knew one another, but through Murphy. Not quite more specifically than that. Though, Darcy did always find him decent enough company to be around when they did end up at the same social events. Which, hadn’t been that often. Since most of her free time was spent with her daughter.

It was clear that trying to tell him to remain calm, wasn’t all that helpful, and when the man began to tug at the breathing tube Darcy gasped. “Hey now, wait a minute!” She said, quickly reaching for some gloves to help with extubating him. If he was determined to remove it, the least she could do was help and make the process a little quicker. After securing the gloves, Darcy tried to offer a reassuring look as she helped grip the tube and sped up the removal process.

“Don’t try to talk right away, let me get you some water.” She said firmly, giving him a look that suggested he’d be smart in taking her advice. She disposed of used tube in the waste bin, along with her gloves, before picking up the pitcher of water and the empty cup, filling it and returning to his bedside. “Here, drink. Your throat is going to be really sore for a bit.” She helped ease the bed up some so he could sit up better.

[Ferris Felwinter]

Unlike the word ‘calm’, ‘wait’ was not on the list. Left unchecked, Ferris continued, making uncomfortable and slow going of the process, feeling his gag reflex attempt to kick in.

Darcy's sudden assistance was a surprise and a relief. The exact sensation of dragging something up and out of his throat was unpleasant. Similar but entirely opposite to the feeling of having a pill stuck in his throat. Ferris grabbed at her wrist more in panic than any meaningful way to help, though the engine still was in charge. As he was finally freed to breathe on his own, he coughed and gagged, dry wrenching once and half sitting up in an attempt to bend over.

He groaned in reply, too busy hacking up a lung to speak. Or at least it felt like it. He shivered, losing focus for a moment as he took his first full breath. He massaged his throat but did manage to nod. It was more than sore, she was right there. But he could breathe, collapsing back and closing his eyes.

The bed moving made his eyes snap open. Ferris lifted a hand, fingers brushing against the cup but he didn't have any strength to hold it. “Thanks,” he mumbled. Or at least that was probably what he said. It was a clumsy whisper as his body didn't quite understand how to word. Even only being in a coma for three days, he was a mess. He would drink if she helped hold it for him, though every swallow hurt, like everything was raw or he had swallowed sand. He dropped his hand from the cup and closed his eyes as he finished, fighting back the urge to sleep.

[Darcy Vance]

Darcy watched Ferris with a mix of relief and concern as he struggled to breathe, her surgical training pushing her to stay calm despite the situation. When he grabbed her wrist, she held steady, guiding him through the painful process of clearing his airway.

"Easy does it." She murmured, her voice steady but soft, as she helped him sit up just enough to make breathing easier. She felt his panic, saw it in the way his eyes darted around the room, but she stayed close, her presence a steadying force.

When he collapsed back, too weak to hold the cup on his own, Darcy didn’t hesitate. She held it for him, tipping it carefully so he could sip, her hand gentle but firm. The effort it took him to drink, the pain etched into his features with every swallow, made her ache. But she knew he needed the water, needed the care she could offer.

"It's okay, Ferris. Just take it slow.” She whispered, her thumb brushing lightly against his wrist as she adjusted her hold on the cup. When he finished, she set it aside, noticing the way his eyes fluttered closed. She placed a hand on his arm, her touch grounding him.

"Rest now. I’m right here." She reassured him, her voice a gentle anchor as he drifted toward sleep. Darcy stayed by his side, the weight of what had happened settling heavily in her chest, but she refused to let it show. Right now, she needed to be strong.

It was at this time that Doctor Claunch, a male in his mid to late forties, entered the room and looked a bit confused for a moment. “I suppose he didn’t enjoy the breathing tube.” He said with an almost scolding tone toward Darcy, who dropped her gaze and took a step away from the bedside to make room for the man. “Mr. Felwinter, can you tell me your name and date of birth?”

[Ferris Felwinter]

For someone he hardly knew, Darcy was a very calm presence. Or maybe it was just knowing there was another human being there. He couldn't help but think it should be Murphy. That he had been in a car accident or something, that she would walk in that door any moment.

Except no matter how much he fought off the exhaustion and stared at the door, it didn't open.

Part of him noticed her hand on him and appreciated the comfort that was there, disoriented as he was. “Where…” he attempted a full sentence, voice painfully hoarse and awkward and quickly devolving into a mumble and then another round of coughing. Between the sudden extubation, cigarette withdrawal, and who knew what else, he could breath, but it wasn't pleasant. He couldn't seem to put his thoughts into words properly either.

He wanted to ask where he was. What happened. If Murphy was okay. All he could think of was that she wasn't here because she was laying in another room, wondering where he was. That was the only explanation why the woman he loved wasn't here.

He shook his head slowly. As much as he felt the weight drag him down, he couldn't sleep. Couldn't rest.

The door opened and for a moment. He was relieved. Because that had to be M-

A man he didn't know. A doctor. Ferris felt his heart sink. The admonishing went over his head as he tried to work through his thoughts, to pick one and quiet the rest and manifest it into the words he needed. “Where’s Murphy?” He forced through, half choking on the words, half whispering. He had never lost his voice before, but Ferris imagined this would be what he sounded like if he did.

He shook his head as the man asked him a question instead, for the first time looking down at himself. The multiple IVs. The medical gown, the feel of the socks. The chart on the wall. The stuffed animal and flowers on the bedside table with something scribbled in his sister's hand writing. That, more than anything, made him wonder how long he had been here.

He had heard the questions, understood them, but he didn't answer right away, having a lot of trouble focusing on one task at a time. Between his need to ask questions, taking everything in, being asked questions…he couldn't handle more than one thing right now. His grey eyes found Darcy again. Or everything happening, she was the most familiar and grounding thing in the room.

[Darcy Vance]

Darcy watched the confused man as he seemed to struggled trying to get the words out of his throat. It didn’t surprise her that he was struggling, most people did after being intubated for even short periods of time. Not was she surprised the first words he managed were about Murphy.

Shit.

How was she supposed to answer this? Because in all honesty; she was wondering the exact same question. Though likely for different reasons. Darcy exchanged a Quick Look with Dr. Claunch, the man didn’t seem to be as invested or concerned as she was. But, he also didn’t know the man or Murphy like she did. “Murphy is fine, she’s working… I’ll send her a text to let her know you’re awake though!” She shouldn’t have to. Murphy should have been here, regardless of what was happening at work or whatever personal issues they might have been having.

She should have been there.

Darcy would be shaken from that firm opinion, and when she made to reach for her phone, remembered dropping it. Dark brown eyes scanned the floor until she found it, quickly picking it up and composing a text, ignoring the eye roll from the older doctor as he walked to Ferris’ bedside and began to check his pupil response with a tiny flashlight and asked Ferris to sit forward so he could check his breathing with a stethoscope.

Ferris just woke up!

She could have added more, but truly she didn’t want to be distracted and on her phone. Especially not with Dr. Claunch in the room. The look on Ferris’ face made Darcy’s chest ache. She would be having some words with Murphy about her absence. But that would have to happen at another time. She noticed his eyes found her, and Darcy tried to offer a comforting smile as she helped him sit forward.

“Well, your breathing doesn’t sound too laborious, so I suppose the extubation wasn’t a terrible idea,” His stern look flashing to Darcy for a moment before he continued. “Take a few moments to get your bearings, you’ve been unconscious for three days.”

[Ferris Felwinter]

Ferris’ first reaction was relief. He was glad she was okay. Glad nothing bad had happened to her by his own lapse of responsibility. But as distraught as he was with his attention scattered, he still understood enough of what was going on to realize there was something else wrong. He could feel it, sitting on his chest and his shoulders, some sort of weight that in the moment, adrenaline and confusion clouded over.

He nodded appreciately to Darcy, trying once more to master himself. Even his mental trick had only worked for so long. The man didn't know how to concentrate when he felt physically unable to concentrate. It was unnerving.

Darcy's text was marked as read only a minute later, but there was no initial response.

He did his best to follow the doctor's tests, though he appreciated Darcy's help, being that he was still pretty shaky, though he did slowly get his breathing under control, even if words still were both hard to think into being and physical hard to say.

He blinked. Three days? He supposed that tracked with the flowers. Now that he was a bit less alarmed at the lack of his fiancee, he was starting to be disappointed and maybe a little frustrated at the lack of his fiancee. And in the meantime, some of the dust settled around his memory. At least enough for him to guess, considering he knew how he felt right now and how he had felt last week and the weeks before that at Garrett's funeral. He stopped wanting to ask what happened. He almost would rather not know.

The doctor asked him the questions again and this time, Ferris managed to focus enough to stumble through them. He knew his name. Knew his birthday and year, even if putting the numbers in order took a long mental moment. He didn't know what hospital but stumbled through the name of where Murphy and Darcy worked most of the time and that was close enough.

“Do you remember what happened?”

Ferris cleared his throat and looked from Dr. Claunch to Darcy. “I…everything is f-fuzzy but…” he swallowed painfully, voice still hoarse. “I think so.”

He did remember arguing with Murphy all that week. Trying to explain how he felt without admitting how he felt. That he a terrible friend, that Garrett had had a crush on him and maybe more, that he might have returned those feelings of his family hadn't squashed that and he hadn't joined the military instead. That he was thinking of visiting that bar his dead friend had tried to invite him to, but Murphy thought it was a stupid idea and he needed to move on and brushed him off, telling him to get it together. And then…the next couple days were nothing more than guesses. If he visited that bar. What happened there. If Murphy found out. If he had decided he didn't have a reason to be here anymore.

He hadn't shot himself. Or jumped off of something. Or crashed his car. He was remarkably in one physical piece, though that piece felt like it had been stretched too far. That weight started to bear down again. More than before. Had he really done this? And such a bang up failure too. He knew why Murphy wasn't here, though he still hoped. He needed something to fill that hole in his chest.

Thanks! I'll stop by on my break. The reply came back as if Darcy had mentioned she brought some cookies to share in the break room. Lacking urgency, casual, Murphy's characteristically light, somewhat dismissive tone apparent.

[Darcy Vance]

When Ferris looked at her, his expression a mix of confusion and discomfort, Darcy forced a smile, trying to project calm even as her mind raced. "It's okay, Ferris," She said softly, moving a little closer so she could be within his line of sight. "You're doing really well. I know this is all overwhelming, but you’re here, and that’s what matters."

As he fumbled through the doctor’s questions, Darcy stayed by his side, offering gentle encouragement when he struggled to find the right words. When he finally managed to say he remembered, even if only partially, she nodded, her eyes meeting his with understanding. "That’s a good start.” She reassured him. "It’s okay if everything’s still fuzzy. Your body and mind are just trying to catch up."

She could see some weight of the whatever he’d been dealing with settling back onto his shoulders, the way he seemed to almost shrink under it. Darcy wished she could take it away, make it easier for him somehow, but she knew that all she could do was be there for him, to help him through it one step at a time. And honestly, she knew it shouldn’t even be her. It should have been Murphy.

Darcy's heart sank when she saw Murphy's reply. The light, almost dismissive tone in her text contrasted sharply with the gravity of the situation, and it took everything in her not to let her frustration show in front of Ferris. He was already carrying so much weight, and the last thing she wanted was to add to it. But right now… she wanted to shake Murphy. How could she act so cavalier? Her fiancé nearly died!

Her cheeks warmed slightly at her frustration, because she knew it wasn’t her place to feel this outraged over him. Or anything. This was her friend a’ fiancé after all, why was she so angry?

"Ferris," She said gently, her voice low and soothing, "You’ve been through a lot, more than anyone should have to handle alone. But you’re not alone now. I’m here, and Murphy will be too, soon enough."

The lie slipped out as naturally as breathing, and Darcy hated herself a little for it, but she knew Ferris needed something to hold onto right now, something to keep him from sinking deeper into despair. She reached out and placed a hand on his, giving it a light squeeze.

Darcy could feel the weight of his gaze, the way he was searching for some kind of reassurance. She didn’t have all the answers, but she could be his anchor, the one thing he could rely on in this storm. And she was determined to do just that, no matter what.

[Ferris Felwinter]

As everything settled into place, Ferris realized exactly how awkward it was, having Darcy here. Sure, they knew each other, but she was his painfully absent fiance's friend more than his. Maybe Murphy asked her to be here while something came up? But there was no indication around the room that anyone other than Darcy was here. Her jacket over the chair she had been in, a charger in the wall, cups on the floor. “Thanks, Darcy,” he managed, though he didn't smile, his tone a bit empty. No point pretending to be hopeful. He didn't want to be here though. But he didn't say it.

He answered a few more questions for the doctor, voice still rough, but his cadence and word choice coming a bit easier already, though he still struggled.

“We'll be keeping you under supervision for now,” the man concluded. “The plan after that is to move you to a medical assistance facility for follow up care.”

Ferris grimaced. Maybe that was why Darcy was there. For supervision. Not that she could have known he would wake up so probably not. The follow up treatment sounded less than pleasant. Medication, therapy, he didn't want any of that. He wanted to go home and get a stiff drink and smoke. But he didn't say anything, only nodded.

He looked up as the man left and Darcy spoke, squeezing his hand. She didn't understand. Couldn't. But neither did Murphy. And at least Darcy was here. Still, as she mentioned his person, his knew she was trying to help him feel better. “Yeah…” he said, pushing himself up weakly. Or trying to. His arms felt like jelly. “You…uh..spent your whole….whole night here, eh?” He asked. “Actually…I have no idea what, uh…time it is.” He said firmly. He wasn't too afraid to sound stupid in from if her. They got along well for vague friends and she had definitely watched him sleep. “Watching me sleep is a bit…a bit…creepy,” Ferris informed her. Or intimate. He was pretty sure Murphy had never just watched him sleep.

[Darcy Vance]

Of course when she first was able to be assigned to his case, Darcy had done so with the intention of helping Murphy get information as soon as it was available. But she got the feeling Murphy didn’t seem all that thrilled about Darcy inserting herself into things. Not that she could blame her there, she might have overstepped just a smidge. But when she realized Murphy wasn’t exactly making the effort to be there…

It just, didn’t sit right with her for him to be alone.

Of course, she hadn’t quite considered how best to answer any question her presence might have brought, but she would handle that as things happened. She gave a nod to his thanks and kept mostly quiet while the doctor continued with his questions and minor examination of Ferris.

Something like this was likely only made a touch more awkward having a ‘somewhat friend’ there and also working, but she knew if she hadn’t been there; he would have woken up alone…

No one deserved that.

Just like no one deserved to wake up confused in a hospital bed without their fiancé there to help ease their anxiety and nerves over the situation. She glanced at the text once more and wanted to throw her phone.

But once Dr. Claunch left, and she was trying to offer what she’d assumed would be points of comfort; she was presented with a bit of an odd situation. “Oh!” There would be no sense in denying her presence, as her charger, coat and assorted cups weren’t exactly easy to explain away. She gave a shrug, letting go of his hand and easing them into her pockets. “I-We, didn’t want you to wake up alone.” Only half a lie that time, since she didn’t want him to wake up alone, but she didn’t want him to think she’d only done it of her own accord… even if it was true.

“Don’t flatter yourself, I studied and played a lot of Tetris on my phone.” Darcy said with a playful roll of her eyes and she fished the phone from her pocket to show that the app open was the game, though she should have had the forethought to close out the texts between herself and Murphy. “Besides, I left to do work stuff and visit with my little girl too.” No matter how she painted it, she still felt like she’d overstepped. But she couldn’t help it. She just didn’t want him to be alone if she could prevent that.

[Ferris Felwinter]

Ferris meant to make her uncomfortable. He wasn't sure why exactly. Maybe because he just wanted to be alone. But while Darcy seemed flustered, she didn't seem all that bothered. She let go of his hand though, which was an odd sort of loss but probably for the best.

She tripped over trying to make it sound like Murphy was involved in her choice to be here. Which was just another red flag he should have seen coming.

The man grimaced. He hadn't been flattering himself. He could think of no reason to do that. He knew what he was and failures didn't need flattery. “I won't.” He narrowed his eyes as he tried to look at her phone screen, the brightness making his head swim a little. It was some sort of Tetris game and he had no reason for her to lie to him. Anything else was too hard to see.

He felt guilty then, knowing she could have been with her daughter but instead…was here. Because Murphy wasn't. “Ellis, right?” He asked. That darker mood settled further and further, nearly tightening around his neck already. He didn't need to remember everything to know why. To feel like he was just wasting space. He doubted he would get any chance in here.

Darcy was right about one thing at least. He didn't want to be alone.

Something vibrated on the nightstand beside him. Ferris looked at it, not recognizing the sound as his own phone for a long moment. By the time he did, he couldn’t reach it anyway. He could see it was a call from his sister as he attempted to awkwardly reach for it.

[Darcy Vance]

While it was odd, the sort of feeling or sudden loss when she released his hand. But she honestly had no reason to be so familiar, he was her friend’s fiancé, for goodness sake! She needed to get back out into the world of dating if she was going to find herself attracted to someone who was very clearly taken. But between work and Ellis… dating wasn’t exactly on the forefront of her mind.

She had meant for her words to be taken in like jest, but clearly she fell flat. He instead agreed he would flatter himself and seemed to allow his mood to darken, and that was the opposite of what she was aiming for. And, as if she was simply showcasing her sincere lack of conversation skills, mentioning her daughter definitely didn’t seem to help improve his mood. “Yeah, that’s right.” Why him remembering her daughter’s name made her smile, she wouldn’t say. It was just… refreshing. Typically, people her age weren’t parents and didn’t care to take notice of her daughter as more than just a reason for Darcy to miss out on parties.

Joke’s on them, she preferred evenings at home with her little girl over a wild party any day. “She’s with the Nanny, likely already asleep for the evening.” it was only about 9PM, but they tried to keep Ellis on a pretty regular sleep schedule.

Seeing him struggle for the phone, Darcy didn’t hesitate to step forward and pick up the device, not bothering to sate her curiosity with glancing to see if it was Murphy before she handed it to him. It wasn’t her business after-all. “Here ya go.” She said with a gentle nod, handing him the device and taking a few steps back toward the chair to a tidy up her cups.

[Ferris Felwinter]

His mood had more to do with himself than anything else. He was too tired to really focus on much beyond the fact that he was still here.

Still thinking about Garrett.

Still thinking about how bad of a friend he was.

Still thinking about how everything he knew about himself was wrong.

Still thinking about how wrong he was as a man.

Darcy was actually a good distraction. Ferris really wanted to be a dad. It was something he was looking forward to. But now…it seemed terrible of him to consider bringing a child into this world that he wanted to leave. “You should go home,” he said simply. It wasn't that he wanted her not to be here, but that he couldn't imagine why anyone would be here with him when they had someone else to be with.

“Thanks,” he said, taking the phone from her. He blinked at the lock screen, scrolling through messages. Mostly from his sister. A few texts from Murphy he couldn't read more than a few words of without his head spinning. He slid up the screen and typed in his pass code. The last call was from his sister so he called her back.

It rang through to her voice-mail and right as he was about to leave a message she picked up.

“Ferris?” Came the hopeful voice on the other end.

“Hey Mar,” he wheezed, throat still in pain.

“Oh my god…” He could hear her sobbing on the other end.

“You left your stuffed animal. And some flowers. I can ship that back to you.”

“Shut the fuck up, you ass.”

Ferris grinned out of reflex.

“You…fuck, you.”

“Love you too, sis.”

“You don't get to tell me that!” She was still clearly trying to pull herself together, half elated to be talking to him, half enraged. “I flew across the country to bring you what you asked for and how do I find you? Ask me how I find I found you?”

Ferris looked across at Darcy, under no delusion that she couldn't hear his sister. She was loud and boisterious normally. Unlike him. “How-”

“Face down on the floor, not breathing in a puddle of your own vomit.”

“Not the worst th-”

“Yes, the worst thing! Ferris!” She didn't know what to say for a moment. “Ferris, I don't want to lose my brother. You're all I have. Please.” She paused expected, but he didn't know what to say. “I'm waiting on a lay over. I flew home to get Rory situated and am on my way back. You better be there when I get there.”

“Mara, this is-”

“Ferris Jedediah Felwinter, I swear I am not a religious woman so I will give you a fate worse than whatever he'll you think you deserve.”

Her use of his full name. That one that he hated made him stiffen. “I will be here.”

“Good.” There was silence for a moment and then Mara hung up before either of them could say anything else.

Ferris turned his phone over in his lap and leaned back, closing his eyes. “My sister. She's seven months pregnant. She's the greatest.” He said, looking up at Darcy.